Making A Change

Have you ever been so sick of your own crap that you just need to find anything to make it better? Yeah? Me too.

It all started years into my marriage and I had been going through emotional and physical pain for several years. However, being the only one in the relationship trying to make ends meet, it created most of the cycle I was in for years. My health habits were so bad, it was not helping anything I had going on inside me. So, the day I was diagnosed with the Big C, I spiraled. My relationships with everyone changed. I disappeared. I went into seclusion, unless necessary. I kept things to myself. In my perception, at that moment; my life was to say the least, was shit.

I was immediately put on so many medications and then, Chemo. I felt even worse. All I did was lay in bed . I quit my jobs and was just sick. I had 3 children and a so called spouse in and out of our marriage for the years we were together. However, during this period, we were not really communicating at all. He was on his own journey of self destruction. It was not a healthy relationship. I understand and release all of what I experienced now. My family was experiencing all of their own health issues too, so me telling them immediately didn’t happen. I’d finally had enough of everything. I was overwhelmed and exhausted. Living with family who were going through so many things while i was experiencing everything I was going through, was too much for me. I went through so many cycles of depression and just wanting to completely give up. One day, I heard a quote on a social media somewhere. I’m not good at quoting, so bare with me. “If you don’t like your life ,change it.” I know many people have said it and quoted it many times. However at that time; at that moment in my life, that quote finally clicked in my brain. I had to Make a Change.